Is Chris Mlalazi not Worse than Linda Masarira?

Says Christopher Mlalazi, "Amashona zi-shit zabantu."

Mlalazi is one of Zimbabwe's prominent writers, one with awards to prove it. He is actually a celebrity of sorts. When he started his rants against the Karanga people who he insistently calls amaShona, no one really took umbrage with his vile abuse of an entire ethnic group, one that makes more than 80 % of the population of Zimbabwe.

Mlalazi's collective animus against a whole ethnic group, in spite of he fact that it took "Shona" people to bail him out when he was facing some difficulties around 2008, has garnered him muted plaudits within some circles to whom he seems to be pandering. Yes, Chris, when amaBooks refused to publish your long and meandering book about crossing streams, or something like that, "Shona" people came to your rescue. In good faith, you were given a consignment of books to sell. Although you never said a word about the proceeds from the books, no one took you to task for what may have been malfeasant behaviour. You seem to have forgotten all this, which is symptomatic of the Biblical vice of ingratitude.

At any rate, those of us who worked with you in the book-publishing industry never stopped looking at you as one of us. When amaBooks took you back, the way a dog eats its own vomit, having scorned you for your badly written book, it was actually a mediocre book, we were quite happy for you. At no point have some of us expressed any anger or envy at your comparatively ephemeral success --- but, of course, we do have day jobs and engage in creative writing as a hobby rather than a means to eke out a living like you must do to see the morrow in one healthy piece. As a matter of fact, when the Zimbabwean Patriot newspaper attacked you and other Zimbabwean writers, I was angered by it.

For a long spell now, you have been ranting and tossing tribal red meat at your dogs, only figuratively speaking. You have done so with absolute impunity. I have found your feigned anger quite hilarious, the reason I rib you at every opportunity. I suspect it is all a publicity-garnering gimmick. I dabbled in the writing world long enough to have realized that some writers will go to extraordinary and even uncharted territories to peddle their books. To me, your ethnic-baiting antics fit that marketting brand of gimmicks. People like me laugh at such antics because we know that bona fide writers do not resort to such self-denigrating shenanigans. To me, and honestly speaking, you are a subpar writer. I suspect that your strange glory-seeking behaviour may very well be a self confessional on your part.

Under ordinary circumstances, your collective insults and condemnation of an entire ethnic group can be ascribed to the inability to think properly once one is in a state of inebriation. It is said your ability to handle potent and ethanol-laden beverages is as pitiful as your average-but-rewarded writing, but of course I will leave that in the realm of rumours. What I find concerning is the manner in which you have been given free rein to chuck poison-tipped borrowed assegais at people, some of whom have been your benefactors.

We have witnessed Linda Masarira touch a storm when she made a remark, just one, mind you, that is straight out of your script of ethnic insults. She only said it once, let me reiterate. The response was swift and searing. You have suffered none of the abuse even though you are a more prominent figure than the sohori-raonekwa-Chirimo Ms Masarira. Does the fact that Masarira speaks ChiKaranga draw more ire than you get explain the asymmetry or hypocrisy? Had she called Ndebele-speaking Zimbabweans a pile of human fecal matter the way you just called people amaTshona lo thuvi, a well-practiced and frequently used insult, Linda was going to spend the festive season back in Chikurubi Prison. You or like-minded people were going to demand it at the very least.

Did we not behold a bounty put for the scalp or skull of Rutendo Benson Matinyarare, when he jokingly said the Ndebele and the Shona need to co-marry, which they have been doing since 1838 anyway? No one has placed a bounty on your head, at least as far as I know. I suspect you are quite sure that the fact that you claim to be a Ndebele, which you are not, gives you enough confidence that you can be as vile as you choose to be while claiming immunity by virtue of being a member of a minority ethnic group. Do you honestly think that you can insult people with impunity into perpetuity?

The irony of your occasional bouts of tribalist-induced madness is that, unlike the half-Shona-and-half-Ndebele Linda Masarira, you came from the loins of a Venda father and the womb of Shona woman. Oh yeah, you grew up speaking isiNdebele. That upbringing alone does not render you a Ndebele anymore than the abilities to write and speak the English language make a Zimbabwean an Englishman. Look, a parrot can be trained to bark like a dog, parrots are that gifted, but no sane or sober person will ever look at a parrot imitating the barking of a dog and conclude that the parrot is actually a dog.

Chris, do not create trouble for the Ndebele people of Zimbabwe when you are nothing but a conceited half-Shona and half-Venda. If the Ndebele have any grievances, do not arrogate to yourself the role of the flame stoker on their behalf. Your Venda people, with those south of the Vembe River proudly claiming to have deep and enduring Karanga (Shona) roots, need a champion, if you can muster a sustained period of sobriety needed to lead even a village of one hut. The Ndebele do not need an alcohol-soaked Shona to foam and froth at the mouth on their behalf.

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