People keep asking me why I prefer to only date Zimbabwean men. I am going to respond to this right now, in detail, so that you never ask me again. My preference for Zimbabwean men is as much personal as it is political - and I say this conscious of the fact that the personal is political. Allow me to explain.
I love South Africa - it is my country of birth and it is my home. But ours is a country that is damaged immeasurably. Our people have been mutilated by a history that they carry on their backs. It is evident in the way we conduct ourselves and the things we value (or don't). South African society reflects the fissures of our amoral past. The violence we experience today is born of a history of violence. The multi-layered crisis of the convergence of economic collapse, corruption, food insecurity etc, are all born of the past. And so if we accept this to be true of our society, it is necessarily true of agencies of socialisation within that society. It is here where the Zimbabwean men question comes in.
Because of a history of dispossession and disenfranchisement, where Black people were de-agrarianised and forced into migrant labour, our family structures are broken. The prevalence of single-parenthood in our country is rooted in this history - this history of men being absent. The result of this is that for many South African men (and women), the concept of family is foreign. We do not place great value on family. It is not an accident of history that our country has the highest levels of single-parent households in the SADC region. It is the result of this history - a history that has shaped the lack of value that men in our country attach to family. And I abhor this.
While I don't like children and don't want them in the immediate future, I'm not certain that I'll always hold this view. Our ideas are constantly evolving, shaped by experiences and new knowledge. I might want to have a family someday and I would want it with a man who has been socialised into valuing the family structure - a characteristic that is deeply pronounced in Zimbabwean men. This is not to say all Zimbabwean men value family or that all South African men don't. It is to say that on the basis of history and of empirical evidence, a Zimbabwean man would attach value to family in a way that a South African man would not. And this is important to me.
I am also drawn to the nature of Zimbabwean men. Undoubtedly, many are traditionalists who hold some medieval views on issues of great significance. Zimbabwean men, even the most progressive, are, in general, problematic in their gender politics. They are homophobic and sexist - the result of being socialised in a conservative and religious society (but such politics can be unlearned where there is commitment to doing so, and often it takes them being exposed to difference environments to appreciate this). [And some will argue that South African men can also unlearn their problematic values but the reality is that they have far too many of them, in my opinion]. To me, Zimbabwean men aren't incorrigible. But because of this traditionalism, they are also chivalrous, and it is not always inherently bad, for it drives them to want to take care of a woman beyond the material. This need to take care of women expresses itself in their admirable hard-working nature. I'm an independent woman and I value men who are uncomfortable with being taken care of. Zimbabwean men, because of this traditionalism, tend to have this trait.
I love Zimbabwean men because I love their country. Zimbabwe is not only beautiful but it is safe in ways that we as South Africans cannot imagine. The violence in Zimbabwe is largely state sanctioned and funded. Ordinary Zimbabwean people are not violent, they shun violence. This is not to say issues such as domestic violence and rape do not happen in Zimbabwe because they certainly do. But where in our country we have grown desensitised, violence in Zimbabwe is not normalised and it is often punished severely. This makes for a society where, all things being equal, one would want to build a life - among people for whom savage violence is not palatable. This quality about Zimbabwean people I admire deeply.
I prefer Zimbabwean men because they are well raised and have had meaningful values instilled in them, including as mentioned, the need to value family. They were also taught the value of education, which is evident in their pursuit for it. Again, not all Zimbabwean men are educated or value knowledge, but there is far greater depth in them than in most men, and it is both the result of their general interest in knowledge acquisition and an education system that was functional (and I say was because the Zimbabwean education system that is often glorified has been in a state of deterioration for many years - even before the Nziramasanga Commission highlighted its salient pitfalls). But because of how strong it was at its peak, at its trough it is still relatively decent, at least in so far as its capacity to embed in learners capacity to think deeply.
Finally, I prefer Zimbabwean men because they thrive to give a woman pleasure in bed. It is the result of their traditionalism - the idea that a man is a man if he takes care of a woman. My Zimbabwean ex explained to me that he was taught that sex should prioritise the woman more. It was instilled in him. And in my interactions with many women dating Zimbabwean men this seems to be the norm. The idea that Zimbabwean men have bigger penises than South African men is not necessarily true. And even if it was, the size of a penis is not what matters, it is the ideas of men around sex. Zimbabwean men largely think of sex as a service they render whereas South African men largely think of sex as a service they receive. So the issue is not about penis size like some women have claimed, it is about the politics of sex. That's what makes so called foreign men better lovers sexually - not their sizes.
This is my response to the question you keep asking me about my love for Zimbabwean men which has been cemented over many years. I hope I have answered you and won't be asked this again. And yes, I am with a Zimbabwean man again. Thank you and good night.
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